I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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