im about as happy as oj after his trial
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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