my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
