I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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