i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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