I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
