Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
