yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
