she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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