That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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