do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
