I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Terrible idea I love it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
