I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
