I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
