frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
