hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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