i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We got so high we made milksteak
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
