Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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