In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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