The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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