ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
