1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
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