you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
