god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
