thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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