Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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