i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
