If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
