; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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