Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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