Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
