the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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