There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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