he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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