sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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