I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
