I must be too annoying 4 u.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
