i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
