what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
