Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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