i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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