I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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