there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
