I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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