I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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