my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
