Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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