he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
