so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Your penis caused this!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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