Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
