We named our party play list daddy issues
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
