I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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