weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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