just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza