I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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