can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
