I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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