I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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