She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.