3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night