Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
