I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
