She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
