Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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