I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
