I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
