That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
