we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
