Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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