You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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