then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
