I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
