Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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