two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
